faith unpacked.

Faith isn't believing in an insight that distorts reality. Faith isn't jumping off of a cliff edge and hoping that you've learned to fly before you hit rock bottom. Faith is having a dream to fly, envisioning a way to make it possible, designing a flying tool which is consistent with reality, understanding the boundaries of gravity, performing rigorous testing, gaining approval and credibility among other designers, waiting for the best weather and season to launch; it is confidence in your work and calling, it is a open mind to the possibility of failure, it is an ever present awareness that you can't fully predict the outcome, it is an unshakable sureness that the seeds you sow will bring forth harvest if left in the hands of a master gardener, it is trust and respect for the keeper of the fields that leads to a readiness to submit all identity that is submersed in creating something beautiful, it is this willingness to give all of one's passion that becomes the catalyst for a passion greater than any one individual, it is a unified desire to see a great harvest, which is a task made impossible if left to just one.

white flag for a black heart.

toy soldiers fight through war

each without a movement made

all the while imagined scenes

give hope of life for the inanimate.

plastic warriors making rounds

each movement controlled and repeated

till motors wear and power fades

this army won't be defeated.

digital characters waging battle

for the watchful eye and the eager heart

a story unfolds with a familiar progression

and ends with love for a hero.

the youthful train for main events

where masses form for watching

each move is deemed with eloquence

though made in just a moment

a workforce team assembling

each waning through existence

all looking for a day of rest

but find none but resistance.

both kingdoms from another world

fight causes etched in scripture

foretold of old a grace that frees

the cuff that binds the wicked.

those men caught in the crossfire

of both good and of evil

search pleasure and a peace

that can't be had but found in heaven.

passion.

I am your typical too robust to cry at movies or even feel remotely touched by the romance manly man. Honestly, I can count on my finger the times I have cried since the age 14. Family has moved away, chaotic divorce issues have lingered for years, people close to me have died and heartbreak has ensued on countless occasions.

Guess what. I'm that guy that bottles it inside ---but I have found where to vent it; in music.
Music always seems to put my soul at rest. I have been told on countless occasions that I seem to be a different world when I play, and in many ways I am; I come back to the real world because I face the things that have scarred me.

My heart is close-knit with music. I honestly feel called to it. It puts my heart, mind and soul at rest. I have a peace in music that is not shaken. I dig deep into music. I have practiced beyond the point of blistering on my fingers. I have tapped my foot to the click track learning a new technique only to realize I had played throughout the night. I research. I force myself to appreciate genres of music far attached from American culture. I have spent thousands of dollars on a tight budget. I have played styles far outside of my preference. I have passed on opportunity after opportunity for a dream that will continue to ask me to sacrifice myself and put in plenty of time, finance and effort to achieve it.

Music is the thing that has shown me it will take tenfold as much sacrifice to know Christ. Music has taught me that it is nothing compared to what I will have to give up for a family.

What's yours?

instant.

I have noticed a trend in my heart.

I love to weigh options, count costs and pray until words are gone. I do this anticipating an immediate sense of comfort in my decisions. I will do whatever it takes to feel peace, yet I often hold such a firm grip to things that I know can't fulfill me.

Honestly, I am typically confident when it comes to manipulating people into giving me what I want, but I also know that an illicit purchase would be of no real worth.

This often leaves me swaying in the balance of confidence and indecision. I want a microwave like effect in my life. I want to pull up to the drive-thru when it comes to building my character. I want to have such great faith that my rewards are instantaneous. I want to plant a seed and watch it grow before my eyes. I want paint to dry with my every stroke.

I have dreams. I have desires. They are God given, wonderful, life fulfilling desires; my problems lie in that of perseverance, faith, commitment, loyalty, trust and hope.

It's funny how we think that God cares about our schedule. It's ever funnier that we think we know how to plan things better than Him. Honestly, I'm struggling in life's pursuits. But I'm learning that this struggle is what will reap true reward.