instant.

I have noticed a trend in my heart.

I love to weigh options, count costs and pray until words are gone. I do this anticipating an immediate sense of comfort in my decisions. I will do whatever it takes to feel peace, yet I often hold such a firm grip to things that I know can't fulfill me.

Honestly, I am typically confident when it comes to manipulating people into giving me what I want, but I also know that an illicit purchase would be of no real worth.

This often leaves me swaying in the balance of confidence and indecision. I want a microwave like effect in my life. I want to pull up to the drive-thru when it comes to building my character. I want to have such great faith that my rewards are instantaneous. I want to plant a seed and watch it grow before my eyes. I want paint to dry with my every stroke.

I have dreams. I have desires. They are God given, wonderful, life fulfilling desires; my problems lie in that of perseverance, faith, commitment, loyalty, trust and hope.

It's funny how we think that God cares about our schedule. It's ever funnier that we think we know how to plan things better than Him. Honestly, I'm struggling in life's pursuits. But I'm learning that this struggle is what will reap true reward.